Its the time of the period again, when i want to just sigh about life before the next person is about to comment how good my life is and starts comparing me to the skeletons wrapped with skin in Africa starving.
Recently i developed the symptom of not knowing where to pursue my career and in life. I always had the intention to try my luck in Australia but i know i am not done with Malaysia just yet, until at least until next year. I assured that where i am now, is the best place that Malaysia can offer me until it is time to say goodbye. Apparently, no was the easy answer.
Plenty of options are available at my finger tip and for once, i can actually go into a totally new field and move to my next phase of life. Since i am not exactly very happy with where i am right now, isnt this the best opportunity for once to try something that i might be brilliantly good at? But the most important question is am i ready to go on to the next phase knowing another phase of life is just around the corner?
So i thought i might explore why i am not happy around where i am. As an associate consultant, i expect to be treated like one, that is i will do the work and learn my technical stuff. Identifying and selling the firm's services, should not be my problem but the managers. Unfortunately the problem with every single firm, when the order to get more billing comes down from the Big Boss to the small bosses (managers) and the small bosses cant perform, we small fries are like the targets for shooting. In my opinion, i feel that is bull shit. Not only that i feel my team doesnt have the urge to push forward. Every year, promises and targets are made, every year i see them where they are, at the same place doing the same thing. I was told at the start of the year, the team will expand double the size by end of the year, i see no change and its already August coming into September. You think i am stupid ar? 3 months and you want to appoint 7 staff, you got to be kidding me please.
It seems then, there should not be a problem why i should leave in a split second. I wish i could.
My paper is on the 4 September and hopefully after that i can really decide whether i want to stay or leave for good. Where should i go i ponder? Should i apply for the investment banking job that my friend has always been talking about? Or a cool food writer job? Or back in the firm with a different scope i.e. Advisory? Audit? I wonder i wonder..
It will be sad though, i have made friends with my big boss and some of my seniors in my team, colleagues from every other department and even the admin people as well..Imagine trying to make friends with another new group very well knowing you might quit 9 months-12 months from the day you join..kind of crap isnt?
Dilemma eh? Why is life so complicated i wonder..For now..my study should be the most important..and i m feeling kind of hyped up for it..lets study !!